I AM THAT BOY - Poetry by Umar Yogiza Jr

I am that boy
the shadows accompanying me in this dance
are stinking woes that maturity can't decipher

I am the kind of boy who loses things, a boy 
who's afraid of himself in a manner, he can't 
comprehend, whenever he looks through the 
imageries of the future in himself, a boy who 
learnt to looks at his fingers, flattering his
morals for the maintenance of his morales 
touching women's private parts with his eyes
just to trace the insecurity through the palms
of their hands without feeling any of pleasure.

the kind of boy who'll build seven star ambitions
hotels in his head, for the things he lost and the
things he'll never have, wearing dirty anger of 
yesterday, salty sweat of today and stinking-rot 
fear of tomorrow, molesting right and wrong

I am the kind of boy who keeps the hatreds light on, the rage light on and the jealousy light on
because of lack of harmony and trust in his own 
heart a boy who keeps the light on during bad 
things —sex, hypocrisy and backbiting and during 
nap time after dark dreams, it's safe that way, he thought and holds as the heaven of his faith

I am the kind of boy who prays to feel secure
in the mid of self caused harm, the kind of boy 
who has needs that no mortal can repairs or 
satisfy, I am the kind of boy who's never satisfied 
with things' god allowed, like denying the beauty 
of food because he's fasting and needn't food.

I am the kind of boy who sins for amusement, a 
boy who allowed devil to take his place during 
pleasure, a boy whose mouth commands 
hideous things, about hideous people, who say 
even hideous things for pretty people, who have 
been hideous to me, I am the kind of boy who is
hideous for entertainment and god knows i can 
do so much more, I am dark, but I am not the 
devil, i am lone and quiet, but I am not the grave

I am the kind of boy who uses his body as
missiles: his manhood as nuclear, his words as 
bomb and fire neglecting the cry of their 
victims, I am the kind of boy who will beg ask 
your forgiveness is you ask for it, who will send 
you to hell if you ask for it, who will dis-virgin your 
road out of god if you ask for it, who will rape 
your compassion to death if you ask for it

I am the kind of boy who say things, like don't
ask don't tell me, it's forbidden, but I will give you 
and give up anything if you need it, even if it's the 
only good thing I'll steal it from myself, free and 
willingly, simply because I don't have the courage 
enough to taste nor courage enough to forgive 
myself but be cautious because i lose things, 
things like riches, nobleness and negligence.
 

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