THE FIRST TIME | Poetry by Margaret Wairimu Waweru

The first time my boyfriend hit me  
I remember, I was making lunch 
We were arguing about a stupid thing that he did 
The argument was hot, so I told him to do what he wanted 
I guess I did it in a rude way
Because he held me by the neck, and started squeezing 
I couldn't scream because of the pressure between my neck 
And because of the fact that I was trying to grasp some air 
Tears fell on my face 
Deep down I hoped he killed me 
I know it was stupid but listen 

This was the guy who had proved to me that not all men were like my dad
He had made me fall in love with him 
After 18 years and 9 months of hating the male gender 
He had helped me appreciate myself and discover the talents in me 
And here he is ...chocking me ...trying to kill me 
Shattering my dreams of the perfect man 
Where was I going to turn to?
I had gotten used to him too much
I didn't really feel the pain he was causing me 
My mind was in the psychological and emotional pain trying to kill me inside  
I didn't notice my neighbour felt the commotion and came to check out 
And as she knocked the door, I stared at my man 
Pleaded with my eyes for him to release me ...and struggled a "We are fine", rolled down to the bed and slept 
When I woke up hours later, he was there on the bed of course ...with apples and chocolate 
hmmm ..my favorite, 
apologising like an angel who just landed from heaven, mark you , he even cried ....
I didn't want to be alone, so of course I said "Okay, I forgive you babe"

Believe me 
That was the day I opened the gates  
Gave him my body and said "take my body, your  holiness , the prince of the domestic wars, and turn it into a ball, 
kick it with everything you can, please never stop till my body crushes"

So friends, he made it a punching bag 
And I helped him kick it more 
With weed, gun powder, blades, morphine, diazepum
Basically,.everything I could find 
I was done with the trials 
I had given up
But instead of my body crushing 
It torelated  the pain
Till now I really wonder why!

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